2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches by Robert Orben

Author:Robert Orben [Orben, Robert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-81759-4
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2012-04-25T00:00:00+00:00

INFLATION

Inflation is when you’re wealthy and you no longer can afford the things you bought when you were poor.

Government economists say the increase in the rate of inflation is temporary. Consumers know it’s a long way from temporary.

Remember when what you now pay for a TV set could buy you a car? What you now pay for a car could buy you a town house? And what you now pay for a town house could buy you a town?

Even the old proverbs don’t make sense anymore. Nowadays a penny saved is ridiculous.

America never did produce a good five-cent cigar, but it’s working on a good five-cent dollar.

We’re living in troubled times. Last week a fella petitioned to have his name legally changed to Inflation—because he loves to get whipped.

Kinky sex is when you love something that’s inflatable—like the dollar.

Inflation is when everybody who retired on a fixed income is in the same boat—the Titanic.

Maybe it’s time we all read that bumper sticker about the economy. The one that says: I BRAKE FOR INFLATION.

I have the same reaction to inflation that I have to Howard Cosell: will it never stop?

RAISE HELL, NOT PRICES!

GET RID OF INFLATION FOREVER—MAIL IT!

What America really needs is better craftsmanship. Look at inflation. Every time we get a handle on it, it comes off.

Dear Secretary of the Treasury: I’m writing this penny postcard that I bought for thirteen cents, to tell you people what a wonderful job you’re doing in controlling inflation.

Is it true that elevators at the Department of Commerce now have two buttons? One is marked DOWN and the other is marked COST OF LIVING?

Basically, the Administration is taking a basketball approach to inflation. They want to dribble credit and slam-dunk prices.

Incidentally, in this technological age, we no longer refer to it as “inflation.” It’s a nest-egg meltdown.

There is only one sure way to slow down inflation. Turn it over to the post office.

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